So there was a stork on our garage door? What did that mean? I kept asking him what he was talking about. He told me, “There’s a paper stork on our garage with a due date of August —.” We needed to call Tyler.(our Social Worker).
I was still at work.
I tried not to scream. I worked as a secretary of a telemarketing company. I had to stay professional, but inside I had butterflies, ants, beetles, bugs squirming inside me, you name it…I was feeling the excitement and anxiety of that silly stork on our garage door. It meant a miracle was coming our way, it meant hope.
Most of all, it meant that our prayers were being answered, we were one step closer.
I called Tyler from my office at work. He told me he would be stopping by that night around 6:00 if we could meet with him. He wouldn’t tell me anything else, I asked and pleaded and even begged, but he wouldn’t say a word. It was very frustrating. Inside I wanted to rip the phone to pieces to make him tell me, but I restrained myself and waited until I could go home.
I got off at 5, and got home by 5:30. Then we waited. It was the longest 30 minutes of my life.
We tried to eat something, but stared at our plates. It was useless, excitement was filling our heads, and frankly – we just couldn’t wait.
Finally Tyler arrived, we sat in our little living room, he calmly explained to us what the paper stork meant.
He handed us a file of paperwork. Inside the file was a letter. It was a letter that still makes me teary eyed to this day.
It was a letter from HER…the saving grace of our story, the beautiful gem in our adoption.
The very reason we would hold a child in our arms. For her privacy, I will call her Roxy. (I’ve always loved that name anyway).
Now I want to reiterate that we realized, even then, that the title “Birth Mom” isn’t a name most women who place their baby for adoption want to be known as. But because its a title all of us know, I’ll use it here.
Although we refer to her as a Birth Mom, in all actuality, those two words aren’t even comparable or good enough to describe what she is to us and our family.
Due to the sacredness of her letter, for privacy for her, us, and our daughter, I will summarize what she wrote. Some of the most important parts of her letter is the fact that she CHOSE US, that she prayed to know if we should adopt her baby, and that every time she prayed, she heard our names clearly.
Talk about a heart stopping utter surprise. A completely humbling letter. Not only had she prayed about us, but GOD answered her prayer – and WE were that answer.
I was dumbfounded, and I sobbed as Tyler read to us the dynamics of the adoption.
Again, for privacy, I won’t share it all. The baby would be a girl and she would be half black and half white. She was due in August.
The Birth Mom is white, Birth Father is Black. There were a few other items to discuss, but I was in a complete fog of happiness.
I was going to be a Mother. God did trust me with his children. A complete stranger, another woman, a Mother, also trusted me. She trusted me with a sacred precious gift, the gift of her child.
The next morning, I went to Walmart and sobbed in the baby section. It was about all I could do to not buy every baby girl item I could see. I imagined dresses and sleepers, baby lotions and crib sets. I restrained myself and only bought a bottle starter kit and a bag of Huggies.
I was excited but didn’t want to get too excited, we were excitedly cautious. There was always the chance, somewhere in the back of my mind, that Roxy could change her mind. What would I do then? So everything I purchased I kept the receipts, just in case. The rational part of me felt this, the irrational part of me would be harder to convince.
Time took its time chugging along. The clocked ticked slower. June would never end, where was July? Why wasn’t it August already?
Ken and I tried to fill our days with busy things. Work was a good distraction but we were able to take some camping trips, and even took our neighbors daughters’ around on errands, to the park, or even to McDonalds, anything to keep us busy.
We wrote weekly letters to Roxy to tell her what we were up to, and most importantly to build a bond and relationship with her. She was very sweet and tried to write when she could. She also worked and was going to school too.
Our letters were never centered much around preparing for the baby – because honestly as I stated before, we didn’t prepare. A few outfits, a blanket, a couple more bags of diapers, maybe a diaper bag. We wrote about our camping adventures including a run in with a ferocious badger. We tried to keep the letters interesting but honest. We wanted to impress but not make her barf with brown nosing.
I instantly felt a connection with Roxy the first time we met in July. We sat across from each other in one of the adoption facilities offices. I’m sure it was awkward for her, maybe even more than us. She was beautiful (& still is a beauty). She has these gorgeous dimples in her cheeks that I just knew would be passed on to our daughter.
Of course, there were a million other feelings, impressions, and words spoken. Privacy can really stink when telling a personal story, but I respect Roxy too much to share those precious experiences.
We left that face to face meeting with her and some of her family members, feeling positive, happy, and even more hopeful.
In July , we went to a big box store and purchased a stroller and baby car seat. It sat in the “nursery” for 4 weeks still in its boxes.
I came home from work one day and walked past the nursery. The bedroom door was open.
The stroller and car seat were put together. My sweetheart surprised me. The neighbors had even borrowed us a crib, it was set up waiting to hold its new bundle.
This time, I sat in that purple and yellow baby girls room filled with all the baby things we had purchased and cried like a baby. It was refreshing and cathartic and healing. I was beyond grateful, I was humbled. Ken came in and put his arms around me. We sat there for a long time. I imagined our baby girl sleeping in the crib. I could almost hear her whimpering in her sleep. It all felt surreal. Somebody pinch me. No one had ever been so blessed.
August rolled around, finally!
So did Roxy’s due date.
Ken’s parents arrived to help with the baby, to see their 13th grand baby arrive.
10 days after the due date, we get a call from Tyler saying, “Roxy’s in labor, send her a special gift or flowers or something, I’ll call you tonight with the details.”
I called the florist, I wanted to order a million roses. There really weren’t I ordered a nice bouquet with flowers I thought she would love. The card said how much we loved her. Because it was beyond the truth. We did! Even if she changed her mind! Even if she decided to keep her baby. We loved her!
We waited for Tyler to call that night. The phone never rang. There was no way to reach Tyler after hours.
So we went to bed that night without even a clue as to the progress of Roxy or our chances to have a daughter.
We got up for work the next morning like we always did. Just another day. We didn’t expect anything different. We figured something had happened but still hoped for the best. Never-ending hope and optimism always taking over the negative thoughts that creep in.
Around 10 am, Tyler called me at work.
He apologized for not getting back with us the night before. I tried to act like it was no big deal. But it was a HUGE deal, I was frustrated with him. This was our future! Don’t mess with me Mister! There was some reason, but I spaced it and didn’t really care.
Roxy had the baby the night before. Our daughter had finally been born!!!! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!
The baby was beautiful, and very dark. He told us her measurements, he said she was healthy and doing great. Normal birth, healthy baby, all 10 fingers, all 10 toes. Perfect Apgar scores, perfect child in every way.
The truth is, I didn’t worry about the baby so much, I worried about Roxy.
Roxy was doing okay. I wanted so badly to call her, to check on her. To tell her we loved her, to tell her a million other emotions that I could never express to such an important person in our lives.
Then Tyler said, “We’re meeting around 4:00, let’s go get your baby.”
I think I dropped the phone. Somehow I heard the rest of his information, I somehow called Ken at work and they were able to get a message to him to go home.
I somehow made it home on time. Ken and his parents met me in the garage. We piled in the car, and headed for our future.
Today was the day, today we would bring our baby girl home…